Hello, diary
by GlassSlipperss
Summary: One-shot diary. Lily tell the diary about her growing feeling for James and how she might go just a little crazy when in an anger-induced rage. Rated T for language: Let the drama ensue!


Hello, diary. It's me, Lily.

I'm sitting on my bed while writing this.

It's the Saturday of the first week back after Easter.

It's 2:00am.

Potter is annoying me again.

WHY WON'T HE LEAVE ME ALONE?!

He asks me out EVERY 'EFFING MINUTE!

Why doesn't he ask out Sally?

She's my best friend, but she's totally in love with James Potter.

GRRRR!

It's stupid. She loves him, adores him, thinks he's cool.

Yet I'm the one who has his heart.

Or so he says.

He might just say I have his heart to make me go out with him.

And that stupid best mate of his, Sirius Black doesn't help.

As good looking as he is, he's a stupid jerk who is almost (if not just) as bad as Potter.

I hate him.

I hate them both.

Why does he have to keep writing 'Mrs Lily Potter' all over his books?

If not that, it's 'Prongsie and Lilyflower forever'.

It's sad.

Remus Lupin, their friend, is actually really nice.

We're both Gryffindor prefects, so I talk with him a lot.

He's my friend.

I don't love him or anything, God knows no, but he is so much nicer than his friends.

Unlikely trio, Potter, Black and Lupin. Of course there's that friend of theirs, Peter.

But he's not around them a lot anymore.

Anyway.

Yeah, so Potter and Black are stupid little toerags who spend half their time chasing girls.

The other half is spent snogging them.

So how on earth did they earn a great friend like Remus?

He'd never be so cruel to a girl he'd kissed. He'd be _kind_.

I don't think the word 'kind' is even in Potter's vocabulary.

So, what have I achieved on my first week back?

Here's the list:

1. Getting James Potter to irritate me to near death (How did _I_ achieve that?)

2. A 2 and a half foot long essay about _Goblin Wars_ for History (NO!)

3. Getting Sally to talk to me about how _gorgeous_ and _clever_ James Potter is (Again, I don't know what I did)

4. An A3, fully labeled diagram of a Werewolf for DADA (God help me)

5. Being stared at by Severus everywhere I go (He shouldn't have called me a Mublood)

6. Being glared at by members of the JPFC (James Potter fan club. They hate me coz he likes me)

And finally:

7. Being poked in the back by Delilah, who wants me to ask Black out for her (Not going to happen)

This is going to be a really long term.

Monday, 14th April, Lunch Time, Library

Well, I'm shocked.

Besides the fact I had too much homework (in the FIRST WEEK!) to write in here yesterday,

James Potter is being nice to me.

And I don't mean nice like he _liked_ me.

Just, nice.

Actually, it's freaking me out.

He hasn't asked me out today.

Or poked me.

Or written 'I heart Lily' anywhere.

He hasn't even winked at me!

I know, it sounds like I _like_ him doing those things!

I don't like them at all.

But it feels weird without them, since he's been annoying/infuriating me since first year.

Don't you think it's weird he stopped now?

The first conversation we had today was in Charms, last lesson before lunch.

That's why I ran down here without lunch, so I could record our conversation.

-x-

_As I walked into the classroom, Potter looked up. His eyes met mine, but after a second,_

_he moved his gaze uninterestedly. This was odd. As I took my seat, I thought hard._

_Normally, whenever he has a chance, he'll stare into my eyes for as long as possible._

_Right then should have been one of those moments. But he just looked away, like he didn't care. _

_Professor Flitwick had climbed up on to his pile of books and had started calling the register._

_"Lily Evans!" He called. I saw that James Potter didn't turn around like he normally did._

_"Y-yes, Sir!" I called shakily. Why was I letting him get to me so easily? _

_Get a grip, I thought. Maybe he's finally moved on from me. As I thought this, a wave_

_of anguish rolled through me. I froze. I was shocked! I should be thankful that_

_he might have stopped fancying me, not worrying that he had! _

_"Now, this is a bit different from normal, but we teachers want you to interact with _

_people who aren't your usual friends." Professor Flitwick pulled out a piece of new parchment  
_

_from his desk draw. "So we have put together a list of pairs for each class. This means_

_that your chosen partner will be your partner in class for a month. Obviously some_

_lessons you won't need a partner. In lessons where you need groups of three,_

_you may chose who you go with. Now, when I call your name I'd like you and your_

_partner to stand by each other and grab a cushion from the box in the cupboard." _

_There was a collective groan from the class. Everyone liked working with their friends._

_Well, perhaps not the working bit, but with friends it's not so bad._

_"Right then, lets get started." Flitwick cleared his throat, looked at the parchment and called out:_

_"Eric Ailey and Josie Soft." _

_Eric and Josie went to stand by each other nervously. Josie went to_

_the cupboard and pulled out a box that was filled to the brim with cushions. She grabbed one and_

_went to stand by Eric again. Flitwick called out a few more pairs before calling,_

_"Sirius Black and Violet Robinson." _

_Violet went to grab a cushion and stand by Sirius._

_Sirius smiled shyly at Violet, who returned the smile. I was shocked. Sirius Black, shy?_

_I turned the possibilities of this over in my mind, until all of a sudden Professor Flitwick called,_

_"James Potter and Lily Evans."_

_I groaned inwardly. Why me? I slowly walked to the cushions, then over to where Potter _

_was standing. He glanced at me for a moment, smiled, then continued watching Professor_

_Flitwick call out the monthly-partners. I stood next to him, my heart racing. This wasn't _

_normal! I was so used to Ja- I mean, Potter annoying me, it felt weird when he wasn't._

_I wasn't listening to Professor Flitwick while he finished the pairs and told the class what we_

_were learning. I stared at the floor dumbly, waiting until everyone drew their wands. _

_"Err, Lily, you might want to get your wand out now." Said an attractive, slightly amused voice._

_I looked up to see James Potter looking at me questioningly. I ignored him though, and_

_looked around the room to see who the person with the gorgeous voice was. Potter coughed,_

_and I looked at him impatiently. _

_"What, Potter?" I said harshly. He stepped back, slightly shocked by the venom in my voice._

_"I was just saying you should probably get your wand out; we are supposed to be practicing _

_silent summoning spells." I froze in horror. No, no, NO! I thought frantically. It __can't__ be his_

_voice! I just called it __attractive__ and __gorgeous!__ Slowly, I felt my face heating up._

_"Lily, are you ok? You've gone bright red. Do you feel OK?" He asked in concern._

_"I'm fine, P-Potter." I snapped. He would have believed me if my voice hadn't cracked._

_Or maybe he wouldn't have. Whatever._

_Anyway, I grabbed my wand from my robes and rather viciously slashed the movement for _

_the summoning charm. Unfortunately, it seemed I'd been to harsh with my wand movement, _

_since every cushion in the room came zooming towards me. I screamed hysterically and_

_dropped to the floor, my arms shielding my face. It was silent until one-by-one, everyone _

_started laughing. I felt my face heat up and I buried my face in my arms to hide from _

_everyone' stares. A tear dripped down my covered face. This was what it was like starting _

_as a muggle born; everyone laughs at you because you can't use magic since you grew up_

_without it. I hadn't felt like this since first year, and I'd forgotten how horrible it is to be bullied._

_I felt a warm hand tap me gently on my shoulder. Electricity shot through me at this touch._

_"Lily, it's OK, no ones watching anymore." said a gorgeous voice. Oh shit, that's Potter's!_

_Note to self: Stop calling Potter's voice gorgeous._

_Anyway, I hesitantly looked up to see James-- I mean, Potter, looking down at me in concern_

_His beautiful hazel orbs were full of worry and I couldn't hep but melt under his gaze--_

_SHIT!!!!!_

_He-hem. So, I met Potter's gaze before looking round the classroom. Everyone was watching_

_us! I jumped up, angry with Potter for lying and angry with myself for believing him. Everyone_

_was shocked that I believed him; normal Lily wouldn't have! Something was wrong with me,_

_but I decided to take it out on Potter. I glared fiercely at him, standing in a defensive stance. _

_He took another step backwards (why does he keep doing that?) as I advanced on him._

_"YOU LIE!!!" I shrieked at him, and jumped. I landed on his back and started beating him,_

_hard. Normally I can beat up any man: most boys are scared of my anger-induced states._

_But I couldn't even get Potter to the floor so I could start pummeling him! Stupid Quiditch_

_muscles! I was not hurting him at all, so I jumped off and used the most used form of _

_defense a girl has: I slapped him in the face. Unfortunately for him, he did not have time to_

_shield his face nor take his glasses off, resulting in a smashed pair of round glasses and_

_a hazel-eyed Quiditch player with glass in his eyes. I was, at first, pleased with my work,_

_before realizing that his eyes had started to bleed. I once again shrieked hysterically, but _

_this time I ran out the classroom. I turned around - just once - to see everyone in a _

_stunned silence, before Potter said,_

_"I think I'm going blind." I winced as I heard the pain in his voice. I turned the corner and_

_was nearly outside when I ran into Hagrid. He picked me up and held me at arms length_

_before placing me on my feet. _

_"Now, Lily," he re-primed "Arn' you suppose' to be in your lessons?" I gulped. _

_"Well, you see..." I stammered. He shook his head and said for me to come to his cabin_

_and tall him about the problem._

_-_x-

So that's how I ended up telling Hagrid all about James. How different his attitude is to a

week ago. How I've started to find him more than a little attractive. How I nearly made him

go blind.

Nice.

Anyway, Hagrid just chuckled when I finished telling him my epic story.

"You," he said, "Are clearly gettin' some feelins' for James." When he saw my panicked

expression he reassuringly said,

"S'ok, nothin' to be scared of; it's natural. Also, don' worry James is over you, I think tha'

he jus' wants to show you he doesn' have to ask you ou' everyday."

Great advice, Hagrid.

So what am I going to do? I can't just walk up to him and go,

'Hey, James, I fancy you, wanna go out some time? Oh, and sorry for the almost-blind

thing. The past is the past right? So how about next Hogsmeade weekend?'

Oh yeah, that'll work _real_ well.

I think I should go talk to him though. He's probably in the Hospital Wing getting his

eyeballs fixed. I should at least apologize. He did nothing wrong.

Except make me fall for him, the stupid bastard.

Ahem.

So, yeah. I think I'l go apologize. Tell him I' sorry for over re-acting.

Okay.

...

...

...

...

Go, you fool!

Monday, 14th April, Evening, Common Room

Oh my God.

I LOVE MY LIFE!

And I LOVE JAMES!

And HE LOVES ME!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!!

So, okay, I went to the Hospital Wing to apologize, and he's all,

'It's okay, Lily. I've been a bastard recently.'

And I was like,

'You were always a bastard.'

And he was like,

'I know'

And then he got out of the bed and....

HE KISSED ME!!!!!!!!!

YES!!!!!!!!! SCORE!!!!!!!!!!

LILY ROCKS!!!!!

ANYWAY!!!

So then, he KISSED me and I practically fainted.

Literally.

I went limp in his arms and put my hands in his hair and we were

snogging like madmen! We even started french kissing!

But then Madam Pomfrey came in and nearly had a heart attack.

So we stopped and James said how he always loved me and how

he was only a bastard to impress me and that he hopes I feel the

same! I threw my arms around his next and told him I did feel

the same. We started snogging again but Madam Pomfrey

screamed at us to stop. She quickly checked James' eyes, making

me feel insanely guilty, I might add, then said he could go.

YAY!!!!

So we ran out the Hospital Wing James asked me on a date tonight

(he has secret ways out the school) and I threw away my good girl image

(or so I like to think) when I said yes. As we walked back t the common

room, he was so sweet, saying stuff like

'I want to take it slow.' and 'I can't bear to loose you now I have you.'

I nearly melted right there.

We walked into the common room hand-in-hand, and everyone in the room

went silent. James ignored the stares and the growing whispering though,

and pulled me gently to the sofa with him. He kissed me softly, and I swear

that everyone in the room gasped at the same time. One little prick (okay, he's

a 7th year Quiditich player, but he's still a prick) said loudly

"Congrats, man! You finally get to screw the red-head!" He was laughing,

until James' fist connected with his nose. I heard a sickening crunch as his

nose was broken. James glared in fury at the bastard on the floor, and said

in a voice full of menace,

"No one insults Lily like that. NO ONE!" he roared. He then came and sat

back down next to me, arm around my waist. Sirius crept from the shadows

and plopped down on James' lap. James' pushed him off, and Sirius

pretended to be hurt.

"So, this is it." he said in a girly voice. "You are leaving me for her. You bastard!"

He collapsed on the ground in fake sobs. I stared at him, perplexed. James

rolled his eyes and kicked him.

"Oi!" Sirius cried out. "Many girls pay good money for this body. Just coz you've

got a girlfriend/lover thing, doesn't mean I'm not single!" James looked at Sirius

weirdly, and I giggled. Both boys looked at me, and I smiled in amusement.

"Sirius, although your life as a man-whore must be fascinating, I can't say I want

to hear about it!"

So anyway, Sirius went bright red and tried to be all manly but failed, yadda yadda

yadda.

I think I've finished with my diary now; I'll be too busy snogging James to write

anymore. So goodbye, diary. It's been nice knowing you.

Lily xxx

Oh, and by the way, it turns out Sally has been getting on rather nicely with a

Mr. Sirius Black.

Funny how well these things turn out, eh?

* * *

**A/N: Hey! So, what d'ya think? I've been writing this on and off for ages; it was originally going to be a many-chaptered thing, but now it's just a one-shot.**

**Please review :)**

**Hope you enjoyed it!  
**


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